Capítulo 6. Entendiendo las Relaciones

Understanding Relationships

There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved. GEORGE SAND, NOVELIST

One of the most difficult challenges we face in our physical lives is navigating our relationships with others. Accessing our past lives and life between lives can shed light on our current relationships by providing us with information about our behavior over many lifetimes.

As we go through life, we develop different strategies for interacting with other people. Some of these strategies serve us well; others may be destructive. Without realising it, we may act out these negative strategies in our intimate relationships. If we keep repeating these strategies, they become a habit, or pattern. Once we become aware of these negative patterns we want to change them. But change can be difficult when the origins of these patterns lie deeply buried in our soul memory.

A regression can illuminate our personal history, and give us a better understanding of our most challenging relationships.

The following case studies show how the insights gained during a session can help us address problems in our current relationships. In addition, some of these case studies show how reliving the past can help us release unwanted, negative emotions.

Lola

Lola realised that she was attracted to needy, pushy people. She came to her session hoping to understand the genesis of this pattern, and why it kept playing out in her life, with predictable results.

In her relationships, she would do everything she could to keep her partners happy. It never worked. No matter how much she gave it wasn’t enough, and her relationships always ended badly. Lola was keen to change this dysfunctional dynamic.

While Lola was in the trance, I asked that she be given the answers she needed. She was guided to the house she lived in when she was seven years old.

Lola is in the lounge room, dancing around in front of her parents and brothers. She’s the fairy princess. As she pirouettes she senses the energy of her aunt, who can be a nasty, pushy woman. The aunt had recently visited the family and had managed, as usual, to greatly upset Lola’s mother. Lola’s mother and the aunt are sisters. The aunt has always been extremely jealous of Lola’s mother, believing her to be more attractive and more popular.

While Lola is dancing, she senses a dark presence behind her. She dares not turn around. Instead, she focuses on the sunlight pouring through the doors and windows. She wants to stay facing the light because it brings her happiness.

I check to make sure that she feels safe and strong. Lola nods. Then, I encourage her to turn around to face that dark energy. She wants her question answered and the answer is there but she has to be brave enough to see it.

She senses a monster behind her. When questioned, she describes it as ghostly and wispy grey, with gnashing teeth.

Eventually she summons up the courage to turn around and face that monster.

When she shifts her attention, Lola sees two older females in the hallway behind her. The hallway is a dark tunnel, and the two women are filled with a sullen desperation. Lola describes them as grinding their teeth and clawing at the walls. Their arms are spread out in wild disarray. Lola stands rooted to the floor, staring, as they advance slowly towards her. She senses the terror that underpins their longing.

She becomes aware that these two women are her grandmothers. They are begging for her forgiveness.

Her paternal grandmother is easy to forgive.

This grandmother died before Lola was born. Lola’s father loved his mother and always spoke kindly of her. The grandmother seems to pick up Lola’s feelings of compassion because she gradually changes colour, from grey through blue, mauve, pink to peach. She slowly fades away and Lola senses that she is now at peace.

Her maternal grandmother is in much more turmoil. She would find it difficult to accept forgiveness, even if it was offered. Although Lola would like to forgive her grandmother, she does not feel forgiving. She has some compelling reasons for her reluctance.

Lola has always sensed a coldness in her mother and her maternal grandmother. She never felt loved by her mother, and she knows her mother never felt love from this grandmother. Lola needs to understand why they were both so emotionally distant.

Suddenly, Lola finds herself in her maternal grandmother’s house. She sees her grandmother as a younger woman, desperately scrubbing clothes on an old scrubbing board. Lola intuitively knows her mother was a child at this time.

Her grandmother’s hands are red and raw. She is washing the clothes of her husband and eight children. She has to get it all done. She is a devout Christian and she must make sure everyone is dressed in clean, neat clothes so they can go to church.

Her entire focus is on pleasing her husband. The Bible says this is her duty. The family goes to mass every morning before they go to school or work. They are all perfectly groomed so others will admire them, and her husband will feel proud of his family.

Every evening they all sit down at the dining table. Lola’s grandmother has prepared the dinner, making sure everything is perfect. After dinner the males sit around and talk while the females clear and wash up. The work for Lola’s grandmother is never ending.

Lola sees that her grandmother is emotionally shut down. Her grandmother feels safe focusing on external appearances. She never stops to notice her feelings or those of her children. Her whole identity is caught up in pleasing her husband and impressing the other churchgoers.

Lola’s mother and the other children, including the nasty aunt, grow up feeling unloved. They all shut down emotionally to varying degrees.

Now that Lola understands, she feels compassion for her grandmother. She opens her arms and hugs her closely, offering deep love and forgiveness. The grandmother sobs. Lola feels her grandmother’s pain and cries too, until all their grief is released.

Lola now sees images from her current life. Everything falls into place. She realises that she spent her childhood turning away from any negativity. Instead, she focused on being as happy and as light as possible. Being positive was her survival strategy. She needed to feel safe, even though she lived with a mother who was clearly disturbed and unable to give her the love she needed.

Lola carried this strategy into adulthood. As a child, she turned a blind eye to her mother’s faults. As an adult, she overlooked the faults of her partners. As a child, she took full responsibility for making her mother happy. Later in life, she believed she had to make her partners happy.

As a result, Lola remained in relationships with pushy and needy people, long after an emotionally healthy person would have left. But pushy and needy people felt familiar to Lola. Her relationships always ended badly because the people she chose as partners were always fundamentally unhappy.

The compulsive desire to keep one’s husband or partner happy was an emotional need that had been passed down her maternal line. At this point in her life, Lola had a young daughter. She was pleased to know she was not going to pass this problem onto her daughter.

Now that Lola understood the genesis of her behavior, she was determined to change. She soon left her abusive partner and started valuing herself. She put healthy boundaries in place so any future partner would treat her and her daughter respectfully.

Pedro

Pedro’s wife encouraged him to undertake a life between lives regression. She’d found her session beneficial, so Pedro decided to give it a go, despite his skepticism.

During the regression, his guide took him back in time to a poignant experience in his current life. He found himself at his mother’s deathbed. He said he remembered seeing hatred in her eyes.

After making this statement, Pedro went silent. I sensed he was receiving some important information. Eventually he spoke.

I am being told that what I saw in her eyes that day was not hate. She saw me coming into the room and she wanted to sit up to greet me. The look in her eyes was pain. She felt a lot of pain while making the effort to sit up. She wanted me to have a good memory of her. She was trying to look after me. She loved me.

I saw what I wanted to see. I felt a lot of guilt. I hadn’t visited her much. I was busy and travelled a lot. Even when she was dying, I didn’t stay long. I thought she was angry at me for not spending time with her. But it wasn’t her. It was all me.

Pedro had tears running down his cheeks. He was relieved his mother loved him and that he no longer had to carry his heavy burden of guilt. He said he was now at peace.

Pedro was genuinely surprised that the regression enabled him to let go of this sad episode in his life.

During regressions, many people are given the opportunity to release emotion from old, unresolved wounds, whether they were inflicted in their current life or in a past life.

Adriana

Adriana wanted to undertake a past life regression because she was caught in an emotional triangle with two other women. Tall and confident, Adriana worked as a social worker, so caring for others came easily to her. She explained how normally she was positive and happy, but this emotional dilemma was bringing her down.

Adriana was deeply committed to her female partner, Erin. Erin had her own successful business and travelled frequently. Adriana and Erin had been together for a decade and were now married.

Two years ago, a new employee, Casandra, started working in Adriana’s workplace. Adriana felt immediately drawn to Casandra and they quickly became good friends.

Although she was very competent in her job, Casandra was sometimes nervous and very talkative. Adriana didn’t mind. When Erin was travelling interstate, Adriana was delighted to have Casandra’s company to go to the theatre, the shops or to chat over coffee.

Right from the beginning, Adriana felt connected to Casandra at a soul level. She felt so comfortable with Casandra, and talked so much about Casandra, that Erin eventually became concerned about the nature of the relationship.

Adriana insisted she was not attracted to Casandra in any sexual way. She only wanted a close, platonic friendship. But it was evident to both Adriana and Erin that Casandra harboured a strong sexual attraction to Adriana.

In their daily life, Erin was making a lot of noise about Adriana’s relationship with Casandra, not understanding why she just didn’t give Casandra up. The arguments were starting to affect their marriage. Adriana wanted to please her life partner but felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the thought of not seeing Casandra again.

Eventually, she agreed to give up her friendship with Casandra but it didn’t last. Adriana received a birthday card from Casandra. Gradually Adriana and Casandra started phoning and texting. Adriana wanted to see Casandra again but before meeting her, she decided she should be honest with Erin.

Erin was devastated. She told Adriana she loved her enough to let her go to be with Casandra if that is what she really wanted. Adriana never wanted to lose her marriage to Erin but she didn’t want to lose Casandra either. She was caught again, right in the middle, feeling that she was being pulled apart.

Adriana sensed that the drama she was playing out with Casandra was karmic. She hoped a past life regression would throw some light on the situation.

The regression took Adriana back to her life as Isa, a young woman who lived in an English town in the 1890s.

I am living with my husband and younger sister in the poorest part of town. The dwellings are small and cold and butted up against each other. The building seems to be set near a cliff and there are many steep steps in the back yard.

Many children in the town are ill. Some die. I am scared for my sister. She is young and frail. She is like a daughter to me. I don’t want her to become ill. I am so anxious, I am frantically cleaning the house. I am also obsessively looking after my sister’s wellbeing. I am preparing special food for her. I am making sure she is dressed warmly. I am not allowing her to go out into the cold and rain. I will do anything to prevent her getting ill.

In spite of all Isa’s efforts, her sister soon begins to ill.

She has developed a fever. Now she is coughing. I am sick with worry. I am doing everything I can to help her. I am coaxing her to drink water and giving her food that she doesn’t want to eat. Now I am sitting beside her. She is in bed and she looks so weak and pale. I pray she won’t be taken, but I can see she is slipping away.

Adriana cries.

She is dead. There is nothing I can do. I can’t believe it. I am so sad. She was so young. She didn’t deserve to die. I miss her so much. My husband is trying to help me but I find no solace in his efforts. I am always crying.

The years pass and I am still crying. I just cannot get over the loss of my dear sister. My husband cannot understand. I am inconsolable.

Isa died at age forty. She was glad to go. It was a life of so much sadness.

I see my sister. The first thing she says is ‘It’s not your fault.’ Everything is all beautiful and white. Now I see my husband passing over and he is sorry for not understanding.

Isa drifts towards the light. Her guide appears, and explains the purpose of Isa’s life.

There was a plan. Isa’s life was about grief, learning to deal with grief. The death of her young sister was the obstacle that Isa was supposed to overcome. She failed. She never got over the loss of her sister.

The guide is telling me that the grief has to be resolved. I am here with you now, sitting in this chair, experiencing all this so I can resolve it.

Isa’s sister is the same soul as Casandra, and Isa’s husband is the same soul as Erin.

The guide is telling me that there is something I need to do. If I want to progress in my current life, I have to do this. It will resolve what was unfinished in Isa’s life. I need to let Casandra go.

Adriana cries deeply for several minutes. Grief is not easy for her. She’d told me earlier how deeply upset she had been when her grandparents died some years ago. Suddenly she feels her grandparents near her.

They are hugging me and telling me how much they love me. I feel so much love from them. It seems like they are really here.

I silently give Adriana time to cry. I know she is feeling the intense feelings of joy, light and love that come from above.

As her grief subsides, Adriana says she can now understand why Casandra’s arrival into her life had created so much turmoil. She now knows for sure that she and Casandra are soul-related. And she knows that she will see Casandra again at the end of her life.

Adriana is also clear that she is meant to be with Erin. In this current life, they are a married couple again. They have an opportunity to experience the love and intimacy they had missed out on in Isa’s life.

Adriana felt peaceful but drained when she came out of the trance. She knew exactly what she was going to do.

Erin will not be home until later. I have an opportunity and I am going to take it. I will visit Casandra on my way home, hug her and say goodbye. The karma from Isa’s life is finished.

Adriana’s intuition was correct. There were important soul relationships in play in her current life as well as unresolved issues from a past life. Once Adriana had freed herself from the past life grief and understood her purpose this life, she was easily able to implement the changes needed to get her life back on track.

Llarina

Llarina, aged forty-one, sought a past life regression to gain more clarity about her current life. She specifically wanted to understand her relationship with Enol, a fifty-four-year-old divorcé with whom she was living. Although Llarina loved Enol, at times he could be nasty and abusive. He was easily offended, and responded viciously when triggered. His previous wife had been unfaithful and had cheated him out of money, so he was not very trusting.

Llarina regresses easily to her past life as a woman aged twenty, named Mara. Her bare feet are covered with a dark blue robe. This robe completely covers her from head to toe with just a slit near her eyes so she can see. She is alone inside a house with open windows. Looking out a window, she sees nothing but sand and desert. She notes that the climate is very hot and dry. She can see other houses and feels she belongs to some sort of community. The houses are made out of an earthy material and all look the same.

Although she lives in this house and feels at home, Mara knows it is not her house. She takes care of it and the man who lives there. He is Ajmad, aged forty. Although they have a sexual relationship, they are not married.

Mara does everything she can for Ajmad because she owes him.

From the age of three through to sixteen she lived with relatives who disrespected and mistreated her. Mara is light-skinned while her relatives are darker. They make it clear that they deeply dislike her and her light-skinned mother. She doesn’t know why her mother left when she was three, and has been waiting many years for her to return.

Ajmad is a business associate of her relatives. He visited their home many times over the years and saw the way Mara was treated. Although Ajmad is a hard man, he didn’t like the way the males in the household looked at Mara as she grew older.

When she is sixteen, he tells her the truth that her relatives have been keeping from her. Her mother is dead. She died when Mara was three. Mara grieves deeply for her dead mother. Ah-mad offers to buy her off her relatives and take her with him. She cannot forgive her relatives for playing with her emotions so cruelly, and willingly leaves.

Mara’s life is better with Ajmad. She has more freedom and can walk to the market to buy food. She gradually grows to love him.

We move to a time when she is in her mid-thirties. Ajmad is sick and she is taking care of him. He cannot do anything anymore. Although he is mean sometimes, she puts up with that because she feels she owes him a debt for rescuing her. He dies. Time passes.

I am in the same house and on my own. People don’t have anything to do with me but I don’t mind. I have everything I need. I can read. He taught me to read. He taught me everything and I am grateful. I am always by myself but people are beginning to get a certain amount of respect for me. Although they don’t have anything to do with me, they no longer walk away.

We move to the end of Llarina’s life as this desert woman, Mara.

I am very old, in my nineties. I missed him a lot. I didn’t like living so long. I am not diseased or sick, just old and tired.

She passes in her sleep. As she becomes her eternal soul-self, Llarina realises that Ajmad in that desert life is the same soul as Enol in her current life. She also sees that her mother in her current life shares the same soul as the mean adoptive mother in the desert life. Her mother in her current life is not a happy person.

With the help of her guide, Llarina assesses the past life and looks at parallels with her current life.

She notes that as a child in that past life as Mara, she endured some terrible experiences in the hands of her relatives.

When Ajmad offered to help her, she seized the moment. This is an important lesson for her current life.

I have taken an opportunity for a better life in being with Enol. I am supposed to look at my life in a more positive way.

Enol tries to help but I don’t see it as help. I don’t feel that I owe him, and because of that I don’t allow myself to open to what he offers. Just because he is a hard man doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He is hard because he thinks he needs to be. He is only protecting himself.

I don’t need to feel I am less than anyone else. I have a vast potential within me that is still untapped. I need to trust, open up and let my abilities unfold.

I need to learn that I will be let down at times. There will always be disappointments as this is a part of life. It is not personal. There are ups and downs. If I close myself off so that nothing bad ever happens to me, I shall never get to experience life as I am meant to. I am being told I will always get through.

My guide is saying that I need to say positive things to myself everyday. I can be envious and jealous and I need to work on that. I need to say good things about myself out loud. I have no need for envy and jealousy and I will overcome them if I do what my guide suggests. I have a lot of inner strength.

From her session, Llarina realises that she can persevere with the relationship with Enol. They both are closed to some degree, as they were in their past life together. In that life, Mara felt inferior to Ajmad, and some of those feelings of inferiority have carried over into Llarina’s current life. She has few financial resources while Enol is a very wealthy man. The power imbalance that prevailed during her past life is playing out again in her current life.

After Ajmad died, Mara spent many years alone, and built a lot of independence. This tells Llarina that she could walk away from Enol if the worst came to the worst, even though she would struggle financially. But walking away from Enol could mean remaining closed. Being in a relationship forces her to open up.

The same is true for Enol, who pulls away to protect himself. By staying with him and deciding to be more accepting and open, Llarina can give Enol an opportunity to gradually rebuild his trust. The relationship presents a chance for each of them to progress along their spiritual path by learning to be tolerant, generous, and accepting of each other.

Conclusion

Exploring your relationships with those you love by visiting your past lives and life between lives is an exciting exercise. You discover the nature of your soul relationship with your loved ones, and whether you have incarnated with them before. You also discover that some of the issues causing trouble between you and the significant people in your life have arisen in previous incarnations. With increased understanding and strong determination, you are given an opportunity to resolve these issues.

The cases discussed in this chapter exemplify the emotional connections that can flow from one life to another or, as in the case of Lola, down the ancestral line. Some souls may invest many lifetimes in the same relationship, struggling to make it work. Others may draw powerful lessons from past relationships, whether they succeeded or failed. All our relationships can play out in myriad different ways. Everyone on the planet is unique and every relationship we have with others will reflect our individuality.

Creating relationships in which we respect ourselves and each other is not easy. Most people struggle to get this balance right. A regression can help when there are misunderstandings between people, and a need for more information. Knowing the past life history playing out in our relationships can give us the power and inspiration we need to take appropriate action— whether that action is to accept our life as it is, or to make radical changes.